November 11 (Thursday): Indomitable Spirit. This morning I wake up at the usual 7.30, seems my body clock won’t allow me to lie in even if it took me into the early hours of the night/morning. Needless to say I awaken shattered.

Today was supposed to be allocated to study but my house is still far from in order but today also things begin to get on top of me and I begin to worry about things and the potential consequences of my actions. And my flat is not yet finished.

As things get on top of me, I take up the mantel of rabbit caught in the headlights, I find myself frozen with fear from worry. How do you spell lawsuit and litigation?

Roughly mid morning I sit down to watching Mr Show, the only thing that I can think to do. It actually raises spirits as I find myself able to laugh out loud at the season three hijinks of Bob and David. I take in eight episodes and four hours which would have been better spent revising but under these circumstances it is impossible.

I begin paddling back into tidying/sorting the crib but I only find myself managing to overload the shelf on my wardrobe (with old NMEs) causing it to collapse and fall through, breaking the drawers in the process. Ultimately I would really have been better off doing nothing to it at all. It never rains, it pours.

In late afternoon, I begin to pull myself together in order to rejoin the human race and go to my English class. I sort myself out and begin to write my homework which is rewriting the short story/fairy tale The Real Princess by Hans Christian Anderson. In the words of Seymour “you should be an author” so I guess it’s natural I am able to perform this study/homework while tax escapes me. Acton comes along and offers more moral support while I plough through and toss off my homework in a matter of minutes, garnering good results in the process.

A little while before I leave for class, I get Dad on MSN asking if he can come over to my flat tomorrow and bring some stuff they are clearing out of the Holland home. I really don’t want him coming over and causing such confusion/disruption but how I can I tell the man “no” and that he’s a royal pain in the arse without having to spill the beans on the rest of the story. Bad times ahoy.

I go into my class this week, this being my first human contact since my suspension (one whole day ago). I can only but laugh when the teacher pulls me out as an accountant as an example as a person that uses jargon. With a smirk I tell her “I got suspended yesterday” and I can only make a joke out of my situation. Goodwill is spread all around as teacher apologises for mentioning my job. I don’t mind, she wasn’t to know was she. At break time she enquires/asks me just what I did to deserve the suspension and I ask her “have you heard of a Blog?”. Seems so. And within the space of two days I have someone else telling me that I should consider dropping the accountancy thing and going to university. Maybe baby.

After the class I don’t bother going to this week’s Full Bleed show at the Arts Centre, instead I pop to the chip shop near my college and buy myself some dinner. It seems to me that I always buy myself chip shop chips when I am feeling sorry for myself.

When I get in, I juice up on bad coffee and make some moves of intention towards doing something worthwhile with my current abundance of time at hand. I attempt to do some writing and after some late night MSN with Richard, I end up watching Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas until the early hours and when that ends, I wind up watching the DVD until 5AM with the Hunter S. Thompson commentary running beneath it. I am wired, I am insane. Give me some sleep!

np: Soundgarden – New Damage